We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
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