haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
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