I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
Fuck me I smell like cheese
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
Randomize
