we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
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