FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
Randomize
