why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
i think i just naturally attract stoners
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Randomize
