OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
