i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
Randomize
