I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
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