Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
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