How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
