Yeah....I really appreciate it....I didn't even get it from hooking up....lame, atleast if a girl gets u sick when u r hooking up it was fun in its inception...
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
Randomize
