I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
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