Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
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