I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
Randomize
