everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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