Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
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