Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
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