pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
Randomize
