If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
Randomize
