I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
Randomize
