I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Randomize