We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
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