Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
