i just had sex bonerless
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
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