Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
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