this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Randomize