i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
