i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
Randomize
