FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
Randomize
