1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
Randomize
