I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
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