Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
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