East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
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