its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
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