meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
Randomize
