Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
Randomize
