The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
Randomize
