$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
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