As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
