"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
40s are totally the cure
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
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