those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
lets start a swedish sibling band together
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
Randomize
