Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
Randomize
