Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Randomize
