I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
the day after is always just damage control
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
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