Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
Do vagina's smell?
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
I deserve to be covered in dicks
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
Randomize
