OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Randomize
