I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
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