I'm so fucking centered right now
Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
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