It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Randomize
