dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
