If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
