Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
Randomize
