Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
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