If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
