I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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