I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
okay pat passed out under dana's car
You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
