does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
