that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Randomize