I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
Randomize
