All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
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