that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
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