Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
Randomize
