how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
