Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
