too bad you live with your parents still
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
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