Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
Randomize
