A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
FIrst one done
How did it go?
I dunno I taled about women being treated wrong and quoted Ice T. So probably a "c"
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
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