I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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