Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Randomize
