i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
Randomize
