you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
Randomize
