I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Randomize
