I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Randomize
