I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
My life is pants optional.
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
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